Just in the process of creating a new portfolio website. It forces me to think in different terms. I've blogged before and shared many creative things I have done on the web, but now I need to be more targeted, focused in my efforts. This new website is about building a means to help me make a living and provide a better life for me and my wife. But it's also about me taking risks creatively and going after my dream of being a creative and not just settling. And while I am concerned about branding myself properly, I also want to reveal my personality and not try to come off as simply another business in the creative industry. I'll have to find that balance.
This is an exciting time for me, though exhausting. I am moonlighting a bit, working full time for a local city doing manual labor, while educating and re-educating myself with digital tools like Illustrator and Photoshop, and even re-acquainting with traditional media like charcoal and watercolor. And on top of that I have started to get some clients doing graphic design, which I started doing about a month ago. It's quite a switch in my mentality. And it takes a lot of energy to keep up with it and keep the momentum going.
- a bit ridiculous
I had studied fine art in college a few years back and never turned it into a career. I became a bit disillusioned with the whole "fine art" thing. What's funny is that I had been using digital tools for a long time to make fine art, never considering graphic design very much. It seemed too "low brow," an idea I picked up from the rift between these two departments where I went to school, and elsewhere in the "art world." It seems a bit ridiculous when I think about it now.
Eventually (and quite recently) I became tired of searching for just another job I didn't have passion for, and knowing all the talent and skills I had amassed were just being wasted. But for some reason I never made the connection. I always looked at magazine articles, book covers, logos, etc. and thought, "I could do that," or even "I can do better than that!" But still the possibility of breaking into that world was foreign to me. It was like a country with another language that seemed strange and far away.
- a turnaround in thinking
But recently, I was looking at some graphic elements like that and thought, "why DON'T I do that?" A radical shift. I think it has a lot to do with getting free of stereotypical thinking, and other "entrapping" mentalities. And then there is the self-confidence issue. On one hand, I've always been cocky, but on the other, I have always struggled to believe in myself, and was not afraid of failure, but success. That can be terrifying, because once you start to get some success you can immediately begin to fear of losing it.
But I have decided to throw my chips in, so to speak, and go down this path of creating visually for a living. I know it wont be easy, but I have to try. I have subdued the passion for far too long. I'm tired of sitting around and watching the creative world pass me by. So I wont just be creating illustrations, logos, etc. I guess I will be re-creating myself along the way.